5 Fake Holiday Movies for People Who Hate Holiday Movies
Some holiday movies are great to watch in December, even if they aren't really holiday movies!
It’s officially the holiday season, and you know what that means: holiday movies. But are you utterly turned off at the idea of Christmas decorations, too much snow, Santa🎅 and Rudolph? We have good news: you can still participate in the spirit of the month with non-holiday movies that are kinda holiday movies (but not really) and still perfect for this time of year. And nobody will have to know that you hate holiday movies because they’ll be too excited at your suggestions 🤗. Here are some films we think are perfect for watching during December:
A classic from 1984—if you haven’t seen Gremlins, now is a perfect time. Not overtly a holiday movie, but it starts with a Christmas 🎁 gift: a new pet, a cute little creature given from father to son. Like all great gifts, this one comes with specific directions. And…chaos ensues when they aren’t followed. Gremlins also has one of the darkest Christmas memories shared by any character in the history of holiday movies. It’ll have you thinking twice about sparking up the ole’ fireplace this year. Midway through the film, you’ll forget the holidays altogether—either because you’re terrified or just amused by 1980s special effects.
2. Die Hard
Perhaps the greatest debate of all time* (not scientifically proven) is whether or not Die Hard is a Christmas movie. Last year, Netflix’s holiday movie Love Hard paid homage to the 1988 classic film and the debate itself. But no matter where you stand on the argument, Die Hard is a perfect watch for anyone who hates holiday movies. For those who haven’t already seen it, it’s one of the most famous action movies of all time… and takes place at a Christmas party. A cop attempts to save his estranged wife and others from terrorists who take the partygoers hostage. And let’s face it… nothing pulls you out of the holiday spirit like a tense hostage situation (annual family gatherings included 😜.)
This movie came out in December 1991. While not a holiday movie, it has that epic yet cozy nostalgia vibe that is perfect for gathering your friends and family under the soft glow of a Christmas tree 🎄 or holiday candlelight. Star-studded with the likes of Robin Williams, Julia Roberts, and Dustin Hoffman (among others), Hook features a grown-up Peter Pan who has forgotten his childhood in Neverland. This movie is a crowd-pleaser filled with action, adventure, and as much heart as any holiday flick—and without a single sprig of mistletoe. 🧚♂️
4. Little Women (1994 and 2019)
There are two fantastic modern film adaptations of the classic book 📘 by Louisa May Alcott. The 1994 edition starred Winona Ryder, Susan Sarandon, Kirsten Dunst, Claire Danes, and Christian Slater. The more recent 2019 version, written and directed by Greta Gerwig, stars Saoirse Ronan, Florence Pugh, Laura Dern, Emma Watson, Meryl Streep, and Timothée Chalamet. You really can’t go wrong with either. Both adaptations are fan favorites. And although the story is decidedly not about Christmas, the book and both movies begin with a celebration of the Christmas-giving spirit. Plus, these movies partly take place during a New England winter, so you get plenty of snow without suffering reindeer and sleighbells. ⛸
While we don’t often peddle absolutes at Remarkist, we feel we must in this case: Goncharov is unequivocally the greatest mafia movie ever made, directed by the maestro Matteo JHWJ0715 and presented by Martin Scorsese. It’s a classic from 1973, so it keeps in the nostalgic spirit of the other movies mentioned. It stars mafia-film royalty, DeNiro, Pacino, Hackman, Keitel, and Cazale, among others. And similar to Die Hard, Goncharov has an ongoing debate about whether it qualifies as a Christmas film.
We don’t want to give too much away if you haven’t seen it, but this groundbreaking work has had a resurgence of late. We’re hosting a watch party at Remarkist on December 10 at 4:30pmPT/7:30pmET, so join us to share your deep Goncharov analysis or simply enjoy your first-time viewing of the greatest mafia movie ever made.
From our forum for Goncharov:
When you need a little Stones and sympathy
Members have been discussing Matteo’s use of Ruby Tuesday in the film and how it led to decades of “Stones addiction” in studio directors. Wes Anderson may have even been paying homage to Goncharov with his use of the song in Royal Tennenbaums, and some very obvious shot matching seems to confirm it.
A prequel series in the works? Wut??
That’s right a prequel series is moving again. And now that Robert Zemekis has reportedly stepped away from the project, members have been predicting (or wishful thinking) who might be tapped to helm it. The traditionalists hope Scorsese will return, but others would love to see a Breaking Bad style take by someone like Gilligan.
So yes, it’s certainly possible to get through the holidays without a slew of holiday movies. But if you’re willing to watch some holiday programming, we would love to have you at our watch parties, all happening inside the Remarkist app. Check out the lineup!
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