The Gilmore Guide to Love Languages: What Each Character's Actions Reveal

From daisies to dialogue and coffee carts to keys, these are the ways our beloved residents of Stars Hollow show their affection

The concept of love languages, popularized by author Gary Chapman, suggests that people express and experience love in five distinct ways. The five love languages are: words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time and physical touch. We started to wonder - how do the residents of Stars Hollow (and Hartford) show their love for one another? Let’s explore how the characters of Gilmore Girls express their affection, both platonic and romantic.

Lorelai Gilmore

For as fast as Lorelai Gilmore speaks, her first love language is not words of affirmation. She cares for friends and family (yes, even Emily when they aren’t fighting) and she shows this primarily with acts of service. Whether she is donating her time to make the costumes for the elementary school play, writing a character reference, or helping Luke paint his diner, she shows she cares by doing what they might not even see they need. Lorelai also definitely holds quality time high up on the list because she values her movie nights with Rory, and will even spend the first night in the dorm just because Rory asks her to–on the filthy Yale mattress even.

Rory Gilmore

Rory doesn’t fall far from the tree, and is very much like her mom in how she shows her affections. Instead of finding words of affirmation, she chooses to spend quality time with those she loves. Sometimes it’s a movie night with her mom or Marty, or sometimes it is taking in a hockey game with Lane. She is better at picking out gifts than her mom (no one really wants a coin sorter), and she can definitely write down her words of affirmation on paper.

Luke Danes

Luke is a man of few words because he is showing that he cares with acts of service he does around town. He may grumble while he fixes the table for “The Last Supper” but he does it. He is always over at Lorelai’s house helping her fix any and all household problems - even if it is just a spoon stuck in the garbage disposal. Another area that Luke really tries hard at is gifts. He may not have always been great at gifts, but it is the fact that he was always there trying. After all, Rory still uses the monogrammed washcloth, and no one ever tried to steal the belt. With the help of his sister, Liz, he is able to show his love to Lorelai and Rory with some beautiful jewelry that they deserve.

Dean Forester

Dean may have a bad reputation for later seasons, so let’s focus on Season 1 Dean when he is the picture perfect first boyfriend. Dean wins Rory’s heart by gifting her a simple, homemade bracelet, and later he builds her a car (with adult help of course). He is also one of the few characters that is able to express himself with words of affirmation. If only Rory could have returned the gesture.

Jess Mariano

Jess rides into Stars Hollow in Season 2, and he is a hard read. But he too shows his affections. First and foremost, he is definitely one for physical touch. The boy loves his PDA, whether it is with Shane or Rory. But more importantly, he is very much into acts of service just like his uncle Luke. He is the first in line to get soaked just to turn off a finicky water spigot. He will also walk his mom down the aisle at her wedding even if she wasn’t always the best mom when he was growing up. In later seasons, Jess, the boy of few words, turns out that he too turns to words of affirmation to express his affections as he shines brightly in his heart-to-heart talks with Luke and Rory. Maybe it was that self help book after all.

Logan Huntzberger

Logan expresses his affections with gifts - how can we forget the Birkin bag or night runs at the dining hall for all the cocoa puffs one can eat. But when he isn’t showering Rory with gifts and coffee carts, he too shows he cares with acts of service. He lends Rory his limo (+ driver) when she needs to get home asap to care for her mom. He is also a big help at the Yale Daily News when they think it won’t get out in time.

Emily Gilmore

The third Gilmore girl, Emily, definitely shows her affection through gifts. Whether she is on a no-nonsense shopping spree (who needs a Vera Wang wedding dress just because?) or re-decorating a room (or pool house) for Rory, you know she cares if the price tag is paid by Emily Gilmore. Emily does also value quality time because even though it feels like payment for borrowing money for Chilton, all Emily really wants is for her daughter and granddaughter to come to Friday night dinner instead of feeling obligated to at a holiday.

Richard Gilmore

The patriarch of the Gilmore clan is always the first to spend time with his family to show that he cares. His lunches with Rory at the Yale campus are really quite special for the both of them, and he volunteers his time and business acumen to help Rory and her classmates with a school project. When he is forced to retire in Season 2, he just wants to spend time with Emily, noticing every small detail of her routine - and clearly annoying her in the process. But it is his way of showing his affection.  Richard is also pretty good with the words. “You may go first” is definitely his way to say “I love you.” We’re getting choked up all over again.

Max Medina

Perhaps it is because Max Medina is an English teacher, but he definitely leads with words of affirmation first. The best example would be the voicemail that he first leaves on Lorelai’s answering machine that she could not get enough of. Even when he goes all out and buys a thousand yellow daisies to propose, it is the phone call and his words that really made Lorelai pause and sit down.

Jason Stiles

Jason Stiles, or “Digger” as some call him, is always a little bit awkward in showing his affection for Lorelai. He resorts to buying her gifts, like flowers while pursuing her. He is never great with his words (for as much as he did talk) and he lets the key do the talking (or at least he wanted it to talk). Jason also has an extravagant extra bedroom full of material luxuries that he lets (ahem, or made) Lorelai use.

Christopher Hayden

Christopher Hayden isn’t around much in Lorelai & Rory’s lives but when he is, he definitely showers them with gifts. Even if his credit card is rejected, it is the thought that counts. Sometimes the gifts are disguised as quality time, such as a trip to Paris or a private drive-in movie on the side of a barn from a red convertible. He ends up with a ton of money and doesn’t know what to do with it. A castle? A Bentley? A brewery? All they have to do is name it, and it’s theirs.

Sookie St. James

Sookie is all about gifts of the homemade kind. She is always there with freshly baked goods for her best friend Lorelai. Even if sometimes they are a bribe for some baby-sitting. Sookie’s heart is in the right place when she gives Lorelai all the muffin tops that she desires.

What love languages do your favorite Gilmore Girls characters display? What about other characters in the series, like Hep Alien band members Zach, Brian and Gil? Luke’s sister Liz? Miss Patty and Babette? Or…even Michel and Taylor Doose? Tell us your thoughts in the comments!

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